scientology

• evet, her turlu dinde hikaye vardir; dogma dinin geregidir zaten ama bu ne kardesim ya. bakin galaktik konfederasyonlardan tutun da, hidrojen bombalarina, ruh yakalayan aletlerden, ruhlarin beyinlerini (ruh beyni, evet) yikayan fasilitelere kadar, of oofff. south parkin 912 numarali bolumu konuyu asagidaki sekansla anlatmistir ve hidorjen bombasi kismi, butun sekansi kendilerinin uydurduklari sanilmasin diye eklenmemistir.
  
  "it all began 75 million years ago. back then, there was a galactic federation of planets which was ruled over by the evil lord xenu. xenu thought his galaxy was overpopulated, and so he rounded up countless aliens from all different planets, and then had those aliens frozen. [at this point, the text "this is what scientologists actually believe" appears on the screen, and stays on the screen for the rest of this sequence.] the frozen alien bodies were loaded on to xenu's galactic cruisers, which looked like dc-8s, except with rocket engines. the cruisers then took the frozen alien bodies to our planet, earth, and dumped them into the volcanoes of hawaii. the aliens were no longer frozen, they were dead. the souls of those aliens, however, lived on, and all floated up towards the sky. but the evil lord xenu had prepared for this. xenu didn't want their souls to return, and so he built giant soul catchers in the sky. the souls were taken to a huge soul brain-washing facility, which xenu had also built on earth. there the souls were forced to watch days of brain-washing material, which tricked them into believing a false reality (including the teachings of major religions). xenu then released the alien souls, which roamed the earth aimlessly in a fog of confusion. at the dawn of man, the souls finally found bodies which they could grab on to. they attached themselves to all mankind, which still, to this day, causes all of our fears, our confusions and our problems" [ilgili south park bolumu icin (bkz: #8557215)]
  
  yani cok sukur olmeden once mormonlarin inandigi sacmaliklari da ogrenmisligimiz, altimiza sicana kadar gulmuslugumuz var ama bu bambaska bir kulvarda yahu. zira arada muthis bir yaraticilik farki var. bu fark nereden mi geliyor? yukardaki hikayeyi tekrar okuyun gulmeden ve sonra bu akimin yaraticisi ron hubbardin meslegini hatirlayin: bilimkurgu yazarligi.
  
  not: scientology sanirim yaygin olusumlar arasinda acik ara en ticari olanidir. milyarlarca inanani bulunan buyuk dinlerin ticaretini yapanlar bu guruha kiyasla cok cok azinliktalarken, en azindan isin icine parayi karistirmadan inanma seceneginiz varken (ortacag avrupasinda yasamiyoruz ki efendim, hristiyan olmak icin cennetten tapu almamize gerek yok), isbu sarlatanliga giris katiyetle paralidir. oyle bir arkadasa bakip cikacaktim diyemezsiniz. hem para deyince de uc bes kurus degil yuzbinlerce dolardan bahsediyoruz. ve bildigim kadariyla muritler scientology kilisesine 1 milyar yil boyunca hizmet edeceklerine dair bir anlasma yapiyorlar yani tovbe de edilmiyor oyle. bunlar ve doktrinlerinin fantastiklik katsayisi gozonune alindiginda buna diger dinler kadar dindir demek (yani panteizm neyse scientology de neredeyse odur demek mesela), evrim teorisi de ateistlerin dinidir demekten pek farkli degildir.
  
  allaha sukur birden cok kefemiz var efendim, hepsini korkmadan kullanalim.
• "hayatimizda duydugumuz en sacma tarikat musvetteleri" skalasinda, yaraticilarla seytanlarin iddiaya tutustugu, balli sutlu irmaklarla bezeli el doradolarla ortaya alevli malevli distopyalarin ebedi gayrimenkul piyasasinda rekabet ettigi, meleklerle cinlerin fink attigi, denizlerin yarilip, bakirelerin kutsal ruhlara evlatlik cocuklar dogurdugu, collerde, caliliklarda ve dag baslarinda omrunu gecirenlerin olup olup dirildigi, purgatory hamamlarindan cikip sirat koprulerinde cambazlik yapanlarin cuklerine bakarak hangilerinin secilmis halk, hangilerinin plase ve surpriz oldugunun kolayca anlasilabilecegi, herkesin modlog'larini omuzlarinda tasidigi lord of the ringsvari fantazi dunyalarindan 2 mikron uzakta olsa gerek.
  
  (kivir: kotu birsey demedim yahu, skalanin tamami 2 mikron zaten)