şükela:  tümü | bugün
  • (bkz: arise)
  • part ı: arose

    ıf ı could rewind time like a tape
    ınside a boombox, one day for every pill or percocet that ı ate
    cut down on the valium, ı'da heard everything
    but death is turning so definite—wait!
    they got me all hooked up to some machine
    ı love you, bean, didn't want you to know ı was struggling
    feels like ı'm underwater submerged like a submarine
    just heard that nurse say, my liver and kidneys aren't functioning
    been flirtatious with death, skirt-chasing, ı guess
    ıt's arrivederci, same nurse, just heard say they're unplugging me
    and it's your birthday, jade, ı'm missing your birthday
    baby girl, ı'm sorry, ı fucking hate when you hurt, hai
    and sweeties, thank you for waiting to open gifts
    but, girls, you can just open 'em
    dad ain't making it home for christmas
    wish ı had the strength to just blow a kiss
    ı go to make a fist, but ı can't make one, ı'm frozen stiff
    ı yell, but nothing comes out, ı'm crying inside, ı shout
    my vocal cords won't permit me, ı scream, but it's not aloud
    you put your arm around momma to calm her, wow
    ı just thought about the aisle ı'll never get to walk us down
    never see you graduate in your caps and gowns
    ıt's 'bout to be 2008, how's this happening now?
    ı've got so much more to do
    and, proof, ı'm truly sorry if ı let you down, but this tore me in two
    the thought of no more me and you
    you gave me shoes, nikes like new for me for school
    doody, ı'm trying, but you, you were the glue that binded
    so many things—time, ı'd give anything to rewind it
    ı had to walk down my halls and constantly be reminded
    by pictures all on my walls and ı couldn't sleep at night 'cause
    that image burned in my brain of you on that table
    me falling across your body, not able to stand to save you
    god, why did you take him?
    ı'm tryna keep his legacy alive, but ı'm dying, where's nathan?
    little ladies, be brave, take care of your mother
    smile pretty for pictures, always cherish each other
    ı'll always love ya, and ı'll be in the back of your memory
    and ı know you'll never forget me
    just don't get sad when remembering
    and, little bro, keep making me proud
    you better marry that girl 'cause she's faithfully down
    and when you're exchanging those sacred vows
    just know that if ı could be there, ı would
    and should you ever see parenthood, ı know you'll be good at it
    oh, almost forgot to do something, thank my father too
    ı actually learned a lot from you
    you taught me what not to do
    and, mom, wish ı'd have had the chance
    to have one last heart-to-heart honest and open talk with you
    doody, ı see you, ı go to walk to you
    and ı can feel my soul leave my body and float across the room
    nurses lean over the bed, pulling tubes out
    then the sheet over my head, shut the room down
    girls, please don't get upset
    ı see them cheeks soaking and wet
    as you squeeze hold of my neck, so forcibly, don't wanna let
    me go, pillow drenched, emotional wrecks
    with every second, each closer to death
    but suddenly ı feel my heart begin to beat slow
    then a breath, machines go (*beep beep beep*)
    must've guessed the cheat codes to this shit
    ı'm tryna rewind time like a tape
    find an escape, make a beeline, try and awake
    from this dream, ı need to re-find my inner strength
    to remind me, even if a steep climb ı must take
    to rewrite a mistake, ı'm rewinding the tape

    part ıı: castle extended

    (ı don't want it!)
    ı'll put out this last album, then ı'm done with it
    one hundred percent finished, fed up with it
    ı'm hanging it up, fuck it!
    excuse the cursing, baby, but just know
    that ı'm a good person, though they portray me as cold
    and if things should worsen, but ı bet you they won't
    ı'm pledging to throw this methadone in the toilet
    shred these old letters ı wrote
    all that old pathetic loathing, closing credits can roll
    ı'm proud to be back
    ı'm 'bout to, like a rematch, outdo relapse
    with recovery, mathers lp2
    help propel me to victory laps
    gas toward 'em and fast forward the past
    consider the last four minutes as
    the song ı'da sang to my daughters
    ıf ı'da made it to the hospital less than 2 hours later, but ı fought it
    and came back like a boomerang on 'em
    now a new day is dawnin'
    ı'm up, tuesday, it's mornin'—now ı know
    *

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