in my mind

• bir amanda palmer şarkısı. sözleri de şöyle;
  
  in my mind
  in a future five years from now
  i'm a hundred and twenty pounds
  and i never get hungover
  
  because i
  will be the picture of discipline
  never minding what state i'm in
  and i will be someone i admire
  
  and it's funny how i imagined
  that i would be that person now
  but it does not seem to have happened
  maybe i've just forgotten how
  to see
  that i'm not exactly the person that i thought i'd be.
  
  and in my mind
  in the far-away here-and-now
  i've become in-control somehow
  and i never lose my wallet
  
  because i
  will be the picture of discipline
  never fucking-up anything
  and i'll be a good defensive driver
  
  and it's funny how i imagined
  that i would be that person now
  but it does not seem to have happened
  maybe i've just forgotten how
  to see
  that i'll never be the person that i thought i'd be.
  
  and in my mind
  when i'm old i am beautiful,
  planting tulips and vegetables
  which i will mindfully watch over
  
  not like me now
  i'm so busy with everything
  that i don't look at anything
  but i'm sure i'll look when i am older
  
  and it's funny how i imagined
  that i could be that person now
  that that's not what i want
  but that's what i wanted
  that i'd be giving up somehow
  how strange to see
  that i don't want to be the person that i want to be.
  
  and in my mind
  i imagine so many things
  things that aren't really happening
  and when they put me in the ground
  
  i'll start pounding the lid,
  saying, "i haven't finished yet,
  i still have a tattoo to get,
  it says, 'i'm living in the moment'".
  
  and it's funny how i imagined
  that i could win this win-less fight
  maybe it isn't all that funny
  that i've been fighting all my life
  but maybe i have to think it's funny
  if i want to live before i die
  and maybe it's funniest of all
  to think i'll die before i actually
  see
  that i am exactly the person that i want to be.
  
  fuck yes.
  
  i am exactly the person that i want to be.