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  • victoria: are you sure you don't wanna come up, i mean, it's only nine thirty.
    george: i don't think we should. we really don't know each other very well.
    victoria: who are you, george costanza?
    george: i'm the opposite of every guy you've ever met.
  • george: you don't speak any english?
    housekeeper: no english.
    george: i would like to dip my bald head in oil and rub it all over your body.
    (no reaction) you don't understand! it's a miracle!
  • now you're gonna be funny, so what am i gonna be? i'm gonna be a short
    bald guy with glasses who suddenly doesn't seem so funny!
    (o bir loser)
  • "the most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.i mean, life is tough. it takes up a lot of your time. what do u get at the end of it? a death. what is that, a bonus ?!? i think the life cycle is all backwards. you should die first , get it out of the way. then you go live in an old age home. you get kicked out for being too healthy , go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. you work forty years until you are young enough to enjoy your retirement. you drink alcohol , you party, and you get ready for highschool. you go to primary school, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back, you spend your last nine months floating with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, then you finish off as an orgasm!! amen"
  • louise: george, i can't have sex.
    george: with me or in general?
    louise: i went to the doctor today. i have mono.
    george: nucleosis.
    louise: oh i hope it's not a problem for you.
    george: no, no, pff... how long is this not gonna be a problem for me?

    (the abstinence)
  • -i have relationship george, but there is also independent george. that's the george you know, the george you grew up with -- movie george, coffee shop george, liar george, bawdy george.

    -my boys can swim!

    "if every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right."

    -simple joke from a simple man...:)

    "toasting makes me uncomfortable. but toast i love. never start the day without a good piece of toast. in fact, let's toast to toast."
  • " - george likes his spicy chicken."
    " - i missed up on the make-up sex."
  • i'm losin it!!!!!!