darkwing duck

• * i am the terror that flaps in the night
  * i am the auditor who wants to look at your books
  * i am the batteries that aren't included
  * i am the blown fuse that blacks you out
  * i am the bubble gum that sticks to your shoe
  * i am the burned out bulb you can not reach
  * i am the butter that burns in your pan
  * i am the cat that should be let out of the bag
  * i am the check that overdraws your account
  * i am the check writer in the cash only lane
  * i am the chill that runs up your spine
  * i am the clock cleaner who will ring your chimes
  * i am the cloud that rains on your hit parade
  * i am the cold sore that stings your lips
  * i am the combination lock on the vault of justice
  * i am the current of vengeance gurgling through your sewer
  * i am the editor that cuts your scene
  * i am the editor that leaves you on the cutting room floor
  * i am the fast food that comes back to haunt you
  * i am the feathery phantom that haunts your nightmares
  * i am the fingernail that scrapes the chalkboard of your soul
  * i am the flea you cannot flick
  * i am the ghost of a chance that you don't have
  * i am the grade curve that gives you an 'f'
  * i am the hairball that clogs your drain
  * i am the hair in the lens of your projector
  * i am the ham radio operator that scrambles your reception
  * i am the headache in the criminal mind
  * i am the heimlich maneuver for the choking victims of crime
  * i am the hero that every culture needs
  * i am the icky bug that crawls up your trouser leg
  * i am the ingrown toenail in your paddy pumps
  * i am the ingrown toenail on the foot of crime
  * i am the itch you can not reach
  * i am the jackal that knaws at your bones
  * i am the jailer who throws away the key
  * i am the limestone that petrifies your bones
  * i am the little mouse that eats your cheese
  * i am the lollipop that sticks in your hair
  * i am the low point in your sine wave
  * i am the low rating that cancels your program
  * i am the metal key on the sardine can of justice
  * i am the meter on the taxicab of justice
  * i am the moth that seeks your porch light
  * i am the muddy shoes that track the linoleum of crime
  * i am the neurosis that requires a $500 an hour shrink
  * i am the number ninety sunblock that'll stop your burn
  * i am the onion that stings in your eyes
  * i am the original mr. fix-it
  * i am the paper cut that ruins your morning
  * i am the parking meter that expires while you shop
  * i am the pebble in the shoe of ignominy
  * i am the pencil that breaks from signing too many autographs
  * i am the pimple that forms before a really big date
  * i am the pin that will burst your bubble
  * i am the pitbull that bites the ankle of crime
  * i am the plot twist in the second reel
  * i am the principal you are sent to see
  * i am the pustulus blister that bursts in your boot
  * i am the quality time that ruins your play time
  * i am the raspberry seed you can't floss out
  * i am the repairman who tells you your warranty just ran out
  * i am the rhinestones on the jump suit of justice
  * i am the rust in the pipes of crime
  * i am the sandtrap on the fairway of evil
  * i am the schnauzer that digs up your petunias
  * i am the scrubbing bubble to criminal scum
  * i am the single career man all women want to date
  * i am the slug that slimes your begonias
  * i am the smoke that smokes smoked oysters
  * i am the soap scum that lines your bathtub
  * i am the special news bulletin that interrupts your favorite show
  * i am the spinach that sticks in your teeth
  * i am the squeaky stair that gives away your presence
  * i am the squashed bug on your flying saucer windshield
  * i am the stain that can't be rubbed out
  * i am the substantial and inescapable penalty for early withdrawal
  * i am the super nova at the center of the universe
  * i am the surprise in your cereal box
  * i am the switch that derails your train
  * i am the $10 service charge on all returned checks
  * i am the termite that devours your floor boards
  * i am the thing that goes bump in the night
  * i am the tube of cadmium yellow that's impossible to open
  * i am the water balloon that lands right on your head
  * i am the weedwhacker in the garden of evil
  * i am the weirdo that sits next to you on the bus
  * i am the widget missing from the easy to assemble swingset
  * i am the winged scourge that pecks at your nightmares
  * i am the wrong number that wakes you at 3:00 a.m.
  * i am the zit that forms when you got a really big date