chasing amy

• bob
  you’re chasing amy.
  
  holden’s head snaps forward. he stares, wide-eyed at
  silent bob.
  
  holden
  what..what did you say?
  
  bob
  you’re chasing amy.
  
  holden stares, shocked. he looks to jay, who’s still
  rolling his joint.
  
  jay
  what do you look so shocked for? he
  does this all the time. fat bastard
  thinks just because he never says
  anything, that it’ll have some huge
  impact when he does open his fucking
  mouth.
  
  bob
  why don’t you shut up? jesus! always
  yap, yap, yapping all the time. give
  me a fucking headache.
  (to holden)
  i went through something like what
  you’re going through. years ago.
  same kind of thing with a girl named
  amy.
  
  jay
  when?
  
  bob
  a couple of years ago.
  
  jay
  what’d she ‘live in canada’ or
  something? why don’t i remember this?
  
  bob
  what you don’t know about me i can
  just about squeeze into the grand
  fucking canyon. did you know i always
  wanted to be a dancer in vegas?
  
  jay and holden look at him. silent bob busts a move with
  his hands.
  
  bob
  hunhh? bet you didn’t know that?
  
  jay
  just cell your fucking story so we can
  get out of here and smoke this.
  
  bob
  (to holden)
  so there’s me an amy, and we’re all
  inseparable, right? just big time in
  love. and then about four months in,
  i ask about the ex-boyfriend. dumb
  move, i know, but you know how it is -
  you don’t really want to know, but you
  just have to... stupid guy bullshit.
  anyway she starts telling me all about
  him - how they dated for years, lived
  together, her mother likes me better,
  blah, blah, blah - and i’m okay. but
  then she tells me that a couple times,
  he brought other people to bed with
  them - menage a tois, i believe it’s
  called. now this just blows my mind.
  i mean, i’m not used to that sort of
  thing, right? i was raised catholic.
  
  jay
  saint shithead.
  
  silent bob backhands him. jay raises his fist as if to
  strike.
  
  bob
  do something.
  (to holden)
  so i get weirded out, and just start
  blasting her, right? this is the only
  way i can deal with it - by calling
  her a slut, and telling her that she
  was used - i mean, i’m out for blood i
  want to hurt her - because i don’t
  know how to deal with what i’m
  feeling. and i’m like "what the fuck
  is wrong with you?" and she’s telling
  me that it was that time, in that
  place, and she didn’t do anything
  wrong, so she’s not gonna apologize.
  so i tell her it’s over, and i walk.
  
  jay
  fucking a.
  
  bob
  no, idiot. it was a mistake. i
  wasn’t disgusted with her, i was
  afraid. at that moment, i felt small -
  like i’d lacked experience, like i’d
  never be on her level or never be
  enough for her or something.
  and what i didn’t get was that she
  didn’t care. she wasn’t looking for
  that guy anymore. she was looking for
  me. but by the time i realized this,
  it was too late, you know. she’d
  moved on, and all i had to show for it
  was some foolish pride, which then
  gave way to regret. she was the girl,
  i know that now. but i pushed her
  away...
  
  everyone’s silent silent bob lights a cigarette.
  
  bob
  so i’ve spent every day since then
  chasing amy...
  (takes a drag from his smoke)
  so to speak.